Ever since I was little, I've always been the bigger one in my friends.. the "fat" one if you like.. however I'll be honest.. it has never really bothered me - not in a way of I wasn't bothered about my weight... thats not what I mean. I mean it has never knocked my confidence enough to stop me from getting my arms out or wearing something I loved. I found my style, dressed for the shape I had and embraced my curves.
They say that pregnancy can change you. I absolutely loved being pregnancy and was one of those people who loved to flaunt my pregnancy bump. I mean why hide the fact your doing something as amazing as growing a human?
Since giving birth, I embraced my post baby body. I didn't gain much weight during pregnancy and quickly lost it within a week of giving birth. However a couple of weeks ago, we went to a party for one of our friends who was turning 30. One of our friends took a picture of Me, Adam and Erin and the moment I saw it on Facebook it made me cringe. Then over the last couple of weeks I have started to feel uneasy. Every outfit I put on I haven't felt right in and haven't been comfortable. All of a sudden my body confidence seems to have disappeared.
I know what your thinking... Erin is only 7 weeks old, I should give myself a break but its such a weird feeling when you have always been pretty happy in your own skin to suddenly feeling self conscious and uneasy.
So its time to make a change. I've made a couple of changes which I am going to put into place to try and boost myself again, including changing my Slimming World Class. I've been going to the same class since I was a teen and bob up and down with my weight loss. Before Adam and I got together I successfully lost 4 stone and gradually have put 3 stone of that back on over the 4 years we have been together. I think attending the same class has become more of a habit now and I don't feel like I am getting anything from the group. I'm hoping a shake up will be just what I need. Plus the new class we have found is on a Saturday morning, which will be better for taking Erin along to. I need to be excited about it again. If you head over to my Instagram I want to start documenting my journey on their more. We've decided to take a break this week and will be rejoining the new class next Saturday. I'm hoping a little break and a fresh start will give me the kick up the butt I need. Watch this space!
Do you have any tips on boosting your mojo?? Help a girl out!
Hope you all have something lovely planned this bank holiday! Make the most of it guys, next one isn’t until August!!
Hopefully the sunshine will stick around so you can get out and about.
I’m spending the day with my mum and dad today so that the industrial fan and dehumidifier we currently have in our living room can stay on for the day and I can take little miss away from it - I don’t know if I went into the story about the leak we had ? a story for another day if not! But I’m trying to minimise the amount of time Erin spends in the living room - she can’t be in there when the fan is on as it’s too cold so made sense to go out and let us do it’s magic!
Anyway have fun kids. Don’t do anything too crazy!
You cant beat an old fashioned letter can you? I think in this digital age, sending proper letters is a lost art. I've seen the idea of writing letters to your child on blogs for as long as I have been blogging and its an idea I have always loved - heck someone even made a book out of it!
I'm putting together a scrap book for Erin and one thing I wants to do, was to include letters in it. Something so she could look back on and see what we were thinking and little things that were happening.. something not just for her to look back on but for us too. I'm not sure how often I will do this, but I thought I would include these letters on here as well as including them in her scrapbook.
Dear Erin,
From the moment I found out that I was pregnant with you my life changed forever. Even before you were born, I had so much love for you, more than I could ever comprehend but when you entered our world at 08.33am on 11th April, I knew from that moment, that my life would never be the same again.
Everyone says that having a child changes your life, but that moment, I knew that no matter what, I would move heaven and earth to make sure that you could have everything that you ever dreamed of.
6 weeks in and its hard for me and daddy to remember what our lives were like before you came into them. The last 6 weeks haven't been easy, we've all been getting used to each other and finding out what our routines are and what works (and what doesn't).
So fa we have worked out that you love a good snuggle - especially on mummies chest (which is totally ok with mummy) and that you love to be a little tinker for daddy when mummy goes to bed at 10.30 - still, its good to keep daddy on his toes! You love singing and a dance around the living room. You especially like it when nanny sings heads, shoulder, knees and toes to you (your not a fan of Old MacDonald though... not sure what he ever did to you!) and you love the singing at church - must have been the 9 months of listening to mummy singing in the choir while you were in her tummy.
Every day you are changing and learning new things. Your quickly learning how to hold your head up and you have learnt how to do shocked face (which is hilarious) and just this week we have seen the first little smiles. We've nearly cracked licking your tongue out too - I'm sure you must think mummy is crazy when I keep doing it for you to copy.
You make mummy and daddy so happy and so proud. You have truly changed our lives and we will never be able to tell you just how much we love you - but don't worry - we will certainly try.
Love Mummy xxx
I'm putting together a scrap book for Erin and one thing I wants to do, was to include letters in it. Something so she could look back on and see what we were thinking and little things that were happening.. something not just for her to look back on but for us too. I'm not sure how often I will do this, but I thought I would include these letters on here as well as including them in her scrapbook.
Dear Erin,
From the moment I found out that I was pregnant with you my life changed forever. Even before you were born, I had so much love for you, more than I could ever comprehend but when you entered our world at 08.33am on 11th April, I knew from that moment, that my life would never be the same again.
Everyone says that having a child changes your life, but that moment, I knew that no matter what, I would move heaven and earth to make sure that you could have everything that you ever dreamed of.
6 weeks in and its hard for me and daddy to remember what our lives were like before you came into them. The last 6 weeks haven't been easy, we've all been getting used to each other and finding out what our routines are and what works (and what doesn't).
So fa we have worked out that you love a good snuggle - especially on mummies chest (which is totally ok with mummy) and that you love to be a little tinker for daddy when mummy goes to bed at 10.30 - still, its good to keep daddy on his toes! You love singing and a dance around the living room. You especially like it when nanny sings heads, shoulder, knees and toes to you (your not a fan of Old MacDonald though... not sure what he ever did to you!) and you love the singing at church - must have been the 9 months of listening to mummy singing in the choir while you were in her tummy.
Every day you are changing and learning new things. Your quickly learning how to hold your head up and you have learnt how to do shocked face (which is hilarious) and just this week we have seen the first little smiles. We've nearly cracked licking your tongue out too - I'm sure you must think mummy is crazy when I keep doing it for you to copy.
You make mummy and daddy so happy and so proud. You have truly changed our lives and we will never be able to tell you just how much we love you - but don't worry - we will certainly try.
Love Mummy xxx
♥
Hey lovelies! My blogging has been a bit sporadic over the past few weeks - I am sure you guys will understand... first of all can we just take a moment to question how on Earth Erin is 6 weeks old already! It does not feel like 5 minutes ago since she was born!
I finally feel after 6 weeks we are getting into some kind of routine. Adam has been back at work a couple of weeks now so it’s just been me and little lady.
I’ll be honest, the last couple of weeks have mainly consisted of us spending time at home with the occasional trip out, however I’ve been spending time looking into different things we can get up to.
Let’s be honest, newborns spend a lot of time snoozing in the day and Erin loves nothing more than been snuggled up on your chest which is totally ok with me!
Now she has hit the 6 week mark I have been looking into different classes and found a couple that take my fancy including baby sensory, baby massage and a dance sling class! I’ll report back with any we go to!
In other news I have started a lovely new business to keep me good while on mat leave and earn some extra pennies in the process. I’ve been looking into joining Usborne Books at home for a while as I am very passionate about children having access to good books and a friend of mine that I went to school with is a team leader so I bit the bullet and started my business! I am excited to get going and am sure I will be sharing reviews of some of the lovely books 😊
I am absolutely loving my maternity leave and am doing lots of exploring of things to do and am looking forward to getting out a bit more and meeting some Mummy friends! If you have any great Mummy blogs that you love hook me up!
How did this happen? I have a 4 week old baby! I can not even believe it’s been 4 weeks although! What a 4 weeks it has been!
It’s so weird... you spend the entire 9 months of your pregnancy preparing yourself for the fact that at the end of the 9 months you will be greeted with the best present ever! However I’ll be honest, I don’t think at any point as a first time parent are you fully prepared! You can read all the books and watch all the videos you like but suddenly your on the post natal ward with a baby that’s yours to take care of!
First of all any new mummies or any mummies to be our there, start my giving yourself a big old high 5! If you can get through the first month you got this! Yes you’ll be tired, you have no idea what day it is and your hormones are all over the place but my gosh is it worth it!
The first few days after we brought Erin home are a blur. I was recovering from the last effects of labour and was confined to the sofa by my lovely husband (what a star). In the hospital Erin took to breast feeding straight away however the first few days were a struggle. I won’t go into a lot of detail as I will save this for another post.
Sleep wise Erin sleeps like an absolute dream. Ignoring the first couple of nights where we had cluster feeding she has been amazing. We have got into a lovely routine where she has a feed at around 11pm / 11.30pm and then sleeps through until 3am / 4am - she then sleeps until 7am / 8am.
Weight wise, she has been gaining weight beautifully. She lost 4oz on her day 5 check up and after that has been gaining steadily and is following the line perfectly.
We have been very lucky. Because I was scheduled in for an induction it meant Adam could schedule his paternity leave in. He had previously booked 2 weeks holiday from my due date before we knew what was happening because we decided if I went over due he would deffo be off. Tagging his paternity leave and days off on to this meant he had 4 weeks off which has been total bliss and a luxury we know not everyone has! He went back to work yesterday and I am glad to report that me and Erin survived the first day of just the 2 of us - I even managed a load of baby washing too!
So after nearly 3 weeks away, I wanted to introduce you to our newest addition 💖 Erin June Barlow
Here she is on her first official photo
As you know from my last post, I was booked in for an induction on Tuesday 10th April (11 days before my due date). So here’s what happened on that elusive day!
I was told to ring the delivery suite on the day of induction to check they had a bed etc. I rang up bang on 9am and was told to come up to the maternity assessment unit. My dad agreed to take us up to the hospital so we hadn’t got to park our car because we knew we would be there all day and as we only live 5 minute drive from the hospital it made more sense so I gave him a ring and off we went.
When we got to the assessment unit, we were booked in and settled into a bed and ready to get things going. I was the first of the ladies booked in for induction to arrive and the midwife told me that she was allowed to break 1 ladies waters so as I was there first she would break mine if she could.
I was examined, at about half past 10 and induction was started (basically a tablet is inserted into your cervix a bit like a small tampon which is left in for 24 hours to soften it) and told that I would be put on to monitor every 4 hour to check baby and see if I was having contractions. Unfortunately at that point she couldn’t break my waters as she said my cervix wasn’t soft or dilated enough! Boooo.
We were told if we wanted to go off and have a walk we just needed to be back in 4 hours so we decided to go off for a nice long walk around the hospital grounds (you know to test out the old wives tale that a long walk could start things off) and picked up some pineapple from the fruit stall for good measure then went back to the ward. By mid afternoon I was having light pains but only niggles so when we got on the birthing ball and spent the rest of the afternoon bouncing up and down on the ball.
By mid evening I was still having light pains but not what I would describe as contractions (everyone said you’ll know when your having contractions so figured this wasn’t it as it felt like period pain). At 9pm, Adam and my mum had to go home as the ward I was on was the assessment ward and no visitors were able to stay. Adam really wasn’t happy about leaving but I insisted I was fine and didn’t think anything would happen as these niggly pains didn’t feel like anything was happening soon.
All night I was still having pains on and off - again nothing I thought was the real deal and I was convinced when I was examined at half 10 the next morning I was going to be told nothing was happening and would have to have a further 6 hour peasery (if the first 24 hour one doesn’t work they put another 6 hour one in and if that does nothing they start talking C section).
At about half past 6 I had the most horrific pain which felt like a popping - just like someone had burst a balloon but inside my stomach. I was convinced my waters had gone but the bed was dry so I gave the midwife a shout and said I thought this was the start of things. She decided to pop me on the monitor for 15 minutes even though I wasn’t due to go on yet. I couldn’t have any more pain relief at that point because I had 2 paracetamol at around 4am to help with the niggly pain which kept me awake most of the night.
After 15 minutes on the monitor the midwife confirmed I was deffo having contractions and decided to examine me because at this point the pain had started to kick up a notch. At about 7am I was examined and to my great shock the midwife announced to me that I should ring my husband as I was 8cm dilated!! I couldn’t even believe it! In a complete panic I rang Adam (who didn’t answer) and my mum (who luckily did answer) and told them to get here right away and was whisked round to delivery suite before I knew what was happening.
By the time I got to delivery suite I wanted to push however the midwife told me I couldn’t until they broke my waters which they didn’t want to until adam and my mum arrived. I was given the gas and air (which is as wonderful as everyone says) and went into complete panic that Adam and my mum were going to miss the birth.
Luckily they arrived quite quickly (to which I burst into tears and sobbed “I thought you were going to miss it” - everything then happened so quickly! The midwife tried to break my waters and couldn’t, a doctor appeared who couldn’t either asked if I was sure they hadn’t already gone. I began pushing however after I had been pushing about 10 minutes, the doctor examined me and said baby was now back to back (they think this was the pain I had felt about 6.30) and they needed to turn her. When they tried to flip her face down it was too painful and baby started to get a bit distressed so they decided to take me to theatre and have a forceps delivery. Before I knew it I was signing a consent form and lying on the operating table with a spinal block in. 2 or 3 pushes later and baby Erin was on my chest!
Unluckily for me, I had to have an episiotomy and even worse I suffered a 3rd degree tear (which apparently is very uncommon once you have had an episiotomy- lucky me). I was stitched up and in recovery and back on the ward before I knew it!
Our first official photo as a family of 3
3 weeks later I still can’t believe she’s here and she is ours! It’s such a weird feeling to look at her and know that you made that! Even weirder when you have spent 9 months watching your bump grow wondering what this person will develop into, wondering what or who she will look like and then all of a sudden she is there in front of you!
Make sure you are following my instagram to keep up to date with photos as it’s totally baby spam over there! I have a whole list of baby related posts that I already want to share with you guys! So keep your eyes peeled for those! Any requests on things you want to see let me know!
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